zarq's profile


Joined: November 18, 2004


MeFi: 917 posts , 13501 comments
MetaTalk: 59 posts , 8756 comments
Ask MeFi: 53 questions , 492 answers
Music: 0 posts , 0 comments, 4 playlists
Music Talk: 0 posts, 0 comments
Projects: 0 posts, 6 comments, 102 votes
Jobs: 0 posts
IRL: 0 posts, 58 comments
FanFare: 122 posts, 489 comments
FanFare Talk: 2 posts, 24 comments

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Links to: 243 users
Linked by: 264 users
MeFi tags: history (159) culture (126) us (118) life (104) science (103) television (91) video (80) medicine (73) america (69) usa (68)
Ask MeFi tags: children (14) parenting (14) kids (11) car (4) child (4) education (4) health (4) food (3) learning (3) mac (3)


What's the deal with your nickname? How did you get it? If your nickname is self-explanatory, then tell everyone when you first started using the internet, and what was the first thing that made you say "wow, this isn't just a place for freaks after all?" Was it a website? Was it an email from a long-lost friend? Go on, spill it.

Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal.
- Rumi

ACOA Laundry List
In early 2004, I happened upon a Livejournal community called ACOA: Adult Children of Alcoholics. Neither of my parents were alcoholics. I don't drink at all and am not an alcoholic. But the profile page for the community had a "traits list" that shook me. You can see another, fuller version of it here. The Laundry List often matches people whogrew up in homes where alcohol, addiction and/or abuse was present. Reading the list changed my life, and I've shared it several times in comments here on Metafilter. There are ACOA groups. They have meetings similar to AA or Al-Anon. There are also therapists who specialize in ACA and ACOA issues: HelpPro is a good place to start looking for an ACOA-specializing therapist. Or Google search for "ACOA" and "therapists" in your city or town and see what turns up.

The Wiki
* The There is Help page on the MeFi Wiki is a directory of resources for those in crisis due to depression, alcoholism or drug addiction, emotional, physical or sexual abuse, etc.
Also see:
* EatMe
* Obituaries
* Published Authors
* ReadMe

The MeFi Community
* Every once in a while, posts about transgender issues pop up on MeFi. Here's a handy primer that covers the basics.
* There is an official Metafilter group on NeighborGoods. If you have something to loan or give away, or are in need, please check it out.
* Metafilter has a built in Chat client. (No extra software required!) Not to be confused with...
* MetaChat is an offsite chat board run by Metafilter Members.
* The Metafilter Infodumpster has site statistics queries.
* The Metafilter Contribution Index will tell you how prolific a particular member is.
* The Flagged as Fantastic twitter account highlights comments and posts 'joseph conrad is fully awesome' likes. A great summary of the best of MeFi.
* Click here to see a random selection of 100 websites run by Metafilter members.
* Metafilter's women members (who historically make fewer posts to the site's front page) recently campaigned to increase their posting frequency. A resounding success, July 2014 (#julybywomen) and March 2015 (#WomensMarch) added an astonishing 761 posts by women to the site.

* Secret Metafilter used to highlight discussions that were still active on older Metafilter posts, but is no longer active.
* The Oracle of Mefi was a curated tumblr "collection of intelligent, insightful, funny or otherwise interesting comments from all over Mefi." It was run by Foci for Analysis. but is no longer active.

Fantastic posts by other Mefites:
* This isn't your grandfather's science fiction
* aggregating an aggregator: Peggy Wang (all killer no filler!)
* Alice's Restaurant
* Bill Nye
* Classic Animation Remixed
* Dust off your frying pan and hide your wallet!
* Eating healthy on a budget
* Finding the right bra size and best fit
* Hi, Whatcha Reading?
* High Weirdness by Mail
* I Like to Watch
* MST3K: The Shorts
* Now the story of a wealthy man who lost everything. And the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. (Comprehensive Arrested Development post)
* Resolute!
* Specialization is for insects
* The Post that cannot possibly go wrong
* Were there color pictures of the whole Earth in October 1966?
* "Where's My Cut?": On Unpaid Emotional Labor
* You shall Hear things, Wonderful to tell (O Brother, Where Art Thou?)

Other Mefites' Cool Profiles
* thequidnunckid (Vote #1!)

Some of my larger posts
(Also see the tag: fulltvshow for metafilter posts with links to entire tv shows.)
* 3-2-1 Contact
* A Moment in Time
* Barney Miller
* Bohemian Rhapsody
* Cirque du Soleil
* Combat!
* Cowboy Bebop
* DJ Earworm
* Erasure
* Gatchaman
* Get Smart / Inspector Gadget
* Great Big Sea
* The Greatest American Hero
* Grizzly Adams
* Iron Chef Japan. Also, of nearly every Iron Chef Japan episode. The original post only had around 200 of them.
Happy 100th Birthday, Julia Child
* Hoder / The Blogfather
* House of Cards
* The Internet Archive's Live Music Section
* Israel "Brudda Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole
* Joe Bob Briggs and Monstervision
* Leonard Bernstein's Young People's Concerts
* The Muppet Show
* Nature / Nurture / Talent
* Puff the Magic Dragon
* Songbird / Eva Cassidy
* Space: 1999
* Taxi
* Voltron
* Voyage of the Mimi
* Voyagers!

From Sophie1: "The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased - it can only be accepted." and "Self degradation is not a form of modesty. It will only serve to weaken your spirit. Stop it."

From bardophile: "Bigotry diminishes us all. It behooves us, as human beings, to be allies in the face of bigotry, not to turn each incident into an opportunity to be divided yet again."

"We are raised to honor all the wrong explorers and discoverers--thieves planting flags, murderers carrying crosses. Let us at last praise the colonizers of dreams." ~ Peter S. Beagle

"My parents died years ago. I was very close to them. I still miss them terribly. I know I always will. I long to believe that their essence, their personalities, what I loved so much about them, are - really and truly - still in existence somewhere. […] Plainly, there’s something within me that’s ready to believe in life after death. And it’s not the least bit interested in whether there’s any sober evidence for it. So I don’t guffaw at the woman who visits her husband’s grave and chats him up every now and then, maybe on the anniversary of his death. It’s not hard to understand. And if I have difficulties with the ontological status of who she’s talking to, that’s all right. That’s not what this is about. This is about humans being human." - Carl Sagan on why sometimes it’s good to temporarily forgo your beliefs in order to respect someone else’s" -- from shawnstruck

Bird by Bird
Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird book and the concept of "K-Fucked Radio" I cannot recommend the book enough. It's for writers (and it's not about birds!) but contains some wonderful, helpful, basic life lessons for everyone.

The title of the book is based on the following story:

"Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he’d had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table, close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, ‘Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird."
Also from the book: “E.L. Doctorow said once said that 'Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.' You don't have to see where you're going, you don't have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have ever heard.”


"You don't have to attend every argument to which you are invited." ~ Unattributed

"I think the mirror should be tilted slightly upward when it`s reflecting life — toward the cheerful, the tender, the compassionate, the brave, the funny, the encouraging, all those things — and not tilted down to the gutter part of the time, into the troubled vistas of conflict." Actress Greer Garson


Some reading material regarding "reverse racism":
* Huffington Post: 4 'Reverse Racism' Myths That Need To Stop
* Tim Wise: A Look at the Myth of Reverse Racism
* Daily Kos: A Reminder: Reverse Racism is a Myth
* Medium: The Myth of Reverse Racism. Exploring the falsity of an inverted system.
* Feminspire: Why Reverse Racism Isn’t Real
"When somebody is talking about racism they have experienced, that conversation is not all about you, nor should you expect it to be, so stop with the derailing and just listen and learn.

When white people complain about experiencing reverse racism, what they’re really complaining about is losing out on or being denied their already existing privileges. And while it may feel bad to realize your privilege is crumbling and the things you’ve taken for granted can be taken away from you, it is unfair, untrue, and disingenuous to call that experience reverse racism."


"A brave and passionate man will kill or be killed.
A brave and calm man will always preserve life.
Of these two, which is good and which is harmful?
Some things are not favored by heaven.
Who knows why?
Even the sage is unsure of this.

The Way of heaven does not strive, and yet it overcomes.
It does not speak, and yet is answered.
It does not ask, yet is supplied with all its needs.
It seems at ease, and yet it follows a plan.

The net of heaven is vast, so vast,
Its mesh is wide
Yet nothing slips through."

-Tao te Ching #73